Mental health struggles are hard no matter what, kids or without kids. Trying to silence the inner voice, hold back the tears, and carry on with day-to-day things feels like we are carrying a 20 lb weight all day long and we can't put it down. Sometimes we know what triggers the blue feelings and other times it sneaks up. Telling yourself to snap out of it doesn't work and even with medication and therapy the feelings of numbness or sadness can come (usually at the most inopportune times).
Trying to ask your kid about their day, absorb and deal with their big little kid's feelings, and not snapping when all you want to do is crawl into bed is all harder than it sounds when you are struggling. Chances are if you are reading this you are nodding along and saying "RIGHT?!?!" in your head. I see you, been there, and still have days like that---no one is immune. The thing is everyone's needs are different and it isn't a one-size-fits-all solution to navigating motherhood, depression, and anxiety.
In lieu of making ourselves feel any worse than we already do (#momguilt) let's cut ourselves some slack and know that we aren't alone. Getting pizza twice in one week for dinner, giving an extra sweet to stop a meltdown, or having a movie theater snuggle party in bed when there is laundry to be done.
Again, everyone copes differently and there is no full replacement for therapy/medication guidance (I am not a doctor so please seek a licensed medical professional for the above) there are many things that can help and give us a "reset" so that we can carry on with our day and keep the motherhood train rolling right along.
Meditation/Personal Pep Talks: I am NOT talking about sitting in a quiet room for an hour with candles lit and no interruptions even though that sounds lovely. I'm talking about 2-5 min that you can steal to help drown out the noises and fog that are trying to creep in. I record these types of short audio messages for my clients that they can use whenever they need for situations just like that. They are rarely over 2 min but make a big impact and can be done even during busy days to break up the tension and "buzzing" feelings that creep up.
Go for a walk: Simpler said than done depending on the weather but even taking the kiddo on a short scooter ride, walking around the block, or to the end of the street are all great ways to push the pause button and not feel like you have to be "on". You don't have to pretend to play, you don't have to manufacture entertainment, and fresh air/physical movement is scientifically proven to lessen feelings of depression and anxiety. Want to keep the tiny humans a little more occupied? Download my FREE Bingo Scavenger Hunt Cards for some help!
"Lighten up on yourself. No one is perfect. Gently accept your humanness." —Deborah Day
Embrace the extraordinary in the ordinary: There are plenty of accounts that say that showering isn't self-care, it's a necessity. While yes, it's a necessity, that doesn't mean that we can't treat it special to cultivate a healthy pattern of true self-care. From first-hand experience, feeling un-special can feed into the feeling of not feeling well or sad. I started using my shower time to help literally and figuratively wash away those feelings by making it more than just another "to-do". Personally, I play one of my favorite playlists, light a candle (preferably lavender), and even have a salt lamp on the counter to give just enough light so I can see safely without the main lights on. The small extra effort makes me feel like I'm at a spa even when we all know full well the tiny humans will still come in 15 times before the shower is done. It may seem futile to try something so simple but trust me, it's those simple steps that create a GOOD train reaction.
Write it out: You've probably heard of the "write a letter and throw it away" when you want to get angry with someone. The same tool can be used when we have all of the feelings twisted inside and we feel like no one is "getting it". You can pull a journal out, grab a scrap of paper, or even use the notes app on your phone. I can be daunting though to stare at a blank space and be told to write. I like to start with 3 things that are bothering me, 3 things that bring me joy, and 3 things I am good at. Starting with the things that are bothering me gets the "not so good" out first and clears a space in my head and heart to let the light in. I'm also a huge fan of doing a "brain dump" before bed where I write out all the things I have to do, things that I need to remember, or things that are nawing at me--I find that physically putting it down stops me from letting it turn over and over in my head while I'm trying to doze off.
The most important thing is finding what works for YOU. It can be hard to try to decipher what sounds the best vs what is actually plausible to make work in your day to day. Often times we need someone else to keep us accountable and take the guess work out of finding ideas to help us achieve the day that we strive to have for ourselves and our well being. Asking for help isn't weakness, it's giving yourself the gift of peace and light.
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Disclaimer: The content available on momlifeschmidt.com is not medical advice and is intended for general education and demonstration purposes only. Any tips, activities, or guidance is not intended to diagnose or to treat any psychological or physical health condition. Any information given should not be used to self-diagnose or self-treat any mental health, medical, or physical condition. If you have any concerns please seek your own medical doctor or healthcare professional or to replace the advice they give you. Consult with your doctor or healthcare professional before doing anything contained in this content.
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